How to be present in a conversation

It is something we all need, but when it is out of balance, we can seriously struggle with it. 

There are a lot of aspects to community and doing it well, but the one thing that is ever-present when you are with another is just that: presence….

The question is, are you fully present?

When you are fully present with someone, you listen to them, affirm what they say, and summarize what they said in your own words. You aren’t thinking about what you are having for lunch or the fact that you need to get your oil changed...your heart, mind, and attention are focused.

Did ya catch that? There are multiple parts to being present.

Heart. Mind. and Soul.

Heart.

Our heart has to genuinely care for someone, not just do so because we are supposed to. People can tell when you are being fake, so if you are trying to grow in a community and communicate that you are present, make sure that your heart is in the right place. You can do this, but take a minute to ask yourself:

• What are my motives when meeting someone?

• How can I serve and encourage this person?

Mind.

Being present with someone is a human craving. We want to be heard, known, understood and loved. However, oftentimes this isn’t met because we spend so much time “doing” that we forget to “be.” And actually, our culture worships and praises those who “do” more than those who “are.”

Don’t misunderstand me—I love to hustle and be productive, but I have also realized that my best work and the best moments of being present have come from the fact that I don’t work all the time.

Our minds are a gift from God, but we can get so jam packed with hustle that we can’t focus for an hour coffee with someone without creating a tangent list on our phone at the same time (it works, let me tell you!)

However, I know for me, I want to get to the point where I don’t need that tangent list. I want to just be able to be present and trust that everything on my mind is in God’s hands and He has got this!

Soul.

We are not JUST earthly beings (insert ET phone home voice here!); we are a part of an eternal one as well. We will not feel as though we are present with those around us, until we realize that first and foremost, we have to be present with our heavenly father throughout our day. 

Spending time with our heavenly Father is not a to-do list or task to check off the list, but a relationship that is ever-present (did you catch that?). And the best part is, God wants us no matter what has happened (or not happened) in our day no matter how great we have been or if we have tanked it. 

Being able to be present with those around us is a gift and only possible when we lean in and trust God to hold the rest of our lives, so we can be present with the person sitting next to us.

Now my question to you is, are you good at being present?

 Observe yourself 

• Are you listening to them?

• Are you able to summarize what they said?

• Is your body language communicating openness?

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