Boundaries on your Schedule

This is the one that gets many people hot under the collar and many people both overwhelmed and under satisfied.

Oftentimes we look at social media and while we have all heard the phrase “it is a highlight reel” we don’t often see the work that goes on for the highlight reel to even appear.

We get sucked into a world and an expectation that we are supposed to be constantly producing, doing, or going and yet we are all exhausted, burnt out and oftentimes we don’t even like the version of ourselves we are in those places.

I get this on a real level, as I write this I am sitting at one of my favorite coffee shops under a pergola and the first thing I did was put on my headphones to work, so I could focus, and yet, then my headphones didn’t work. I took it as a sign and a little heart tap that I need to simplify this time and just listen to the pitter-patter of the rain and let inspiration come to me. Isn’t this often what we do though, we sit and hope to conjure up inspiration and purpose because we don’t want to wait and sit in the silence and let it take its time or let God take His time in what He is doing.

This blog is going to be about putting boundaries on your schedule, some tips, questions to ask yourself, and all that good stuff. However, I would not be the writer I am if I didn’t also tell you that in order to produce the long-lasting habits and schedule you want, you need a heart posture of surrender and trusting the seasons as God allows them.

Let me start – I am currently in a marathon mode right now, all the while trying to simplify, God’s timing and the irony are never lost on me. I am in my last course of graduate work that has been in the shortest amount of time, I have a small business I am running, working part-time, and then also figuring out how to be married (which is a lot of fun, but time-consuming! Haha, love you, babe!) I am also convicted of my need for community, I long to hear my fingers tap on the keys of creating that comes from putting words together in a way that inspires and leaves people encouraged and closer to God.

I feel this pull to what God is calling me to do and yet at the same time, completely frustrated because of the season of cultivating roots that He has me in. I long to simplify, have one job, and be working full time for myself, but I know He is growing me so much that I cannot miss this season.

Anyway, as we talk about putting boundaries on ourselves and our schedules, I want to say that this is also CREATING not just subtracting from your schedule. It is CREATING simplicity. This is CREATING time, CREATING MARGIN, CREATING peace.

Let’s start from a very practical point

When you look at your schedule, what emotion do you experience?

Is it one of excitement and elation at what is coming up? Or are you already exhausted from listing out all the commitments you have and stressed about how to make it all work and be sane?

When you look at your schedule, how many nights a week/month are free?

Are you a planner like me that you feel as thought the responsible thing to do is to make sure that you have booked time with everyone and everything so you don’t miss out? (Sorry to break it to you, but what you are actually doing is people-pleasing – if you are planning more into your schedule than you have the capacity for - I am guilty of this! – then you are putting a possible perception from someone else into your mind and schedule)

-       Or are you on the other side of the spectrum, you refuse to commit to anything because you fear if you say yes to one thing, it means saying no to another (which can be selfish because you are telling yourself and others, that there is a hierarchy to your affection)

Please know that with both of these things, I am just as guilty as you, of both. This corner on the internet is one of honesty and raw intentionality so we can come as we are and leave different for having been honest.

So what is a boundary you can put on your schedule, how do we implement a practice here?

Step 1 – one day a week, rest, don’t book or schedule anything

First, if you are a believer, the first thing we are commanded to do when it comes to our schedule is “Observe the Sabbath day and Keep it holy” – a day. One day a week we are called to rest, be present and keep it holy, which is another blog in and of itself, but for simplification's sake, we are going to put it as follows – one day a week we have no commitments, no schedule and we are to rest in God and His plan for the day.

Now I am going to ask you, do you have a day EVERY WEEK where you rest and don’t book something?

Be honest.

I was really good about this during COVID, I had a routine, a schedule and I had a solid day where I didn’t plan anything, and you know what – people knew it and they didn’t ask me to change it.

I have since fallen back into the trap of busyness, life, and making excuses to overbook, but, I miss those intimate moments with God. I miss the creativity I had then, the peace of mind. It didn’t take long for us to run back to the anxious hamster wheel, and I am no different.

The crazy thing about this is that God rested, He took a whole day and rested, so when we don’t follow this command, we are exhibiting extreme pride that we think we know better than God when we don’t do as he instructs.

Step 1 – One day a week, rest, don’t book or schedule anything

Step 2 – Determine how many nights you want “free” a week or how many nights

a week you want “scheduled” this will make your answers when people ask a lot easier

This is a big one whether you are single, married, living at home or whatever your circumstances are – this is what this looks like: let’s say you put a boundary on yourself as “I am going to schedule 1-2 nights of stuff a week and then IF I feel like I can take on more, I will, if I don’t, I can say “this week is full, how about next week?”

This simple boundary makes you the master of your schedule, not your schedule mastering you. 

Step 3 – Take time to observe and understand your capacity.

This is a big one if you put boundaries on yourself and don’t like them, change them. But you must take the time to take inventory of your physical, mental, and emotional state and realize where your lines in the schedule need be drawn.

Step 4 – Be okay that your boundaries look different than others and you need to respect both.

My husband is an introvert, hardcore, and I LOVE that about him, and I am an extrovert and he loves that about me! However, it does make our social calendar look different depending on what the other needs. I need people to get energized and feel inspired, although I do hit a people limit too, mine is just different than his.

And you know what, we are okay with it, even if sometimes we have to compromise ;)

You do have to respect your own boundaries if you expect anyone else to respect them too.

Boundaries on self are not debilitating nor are they restrictive, they allow us to be the best version of ourselves and the people God has called us to be.